junior varsity easter egg hunting.


Feast your eyes upon the sorriest bunch of Easter egg hunters this side of the Mississippi.

"Oh, but Susie, they're so little and so cute!"

You're right, they are. But they are also terrible at Easter egg hunting. I take Easter egg hunting very seriously. It's the only sporting event I compete in annually. You have your 26.2 sticker on the back of your car. I have bunny ears. This is my jam.

I can't wait to teach my kids the ways of The Hunt. Elbows out. Take no prisoners. Eyes up. Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing, even when hunting for candy filled eggs in your friend's backyard.

Heartbreakingly, from what I saw Sunday, we have A LOT of work ahead of us. I can say these things. I can be this critical. I am the varsity captain of Easter egg hunting in my family and that is a title I am anxious to pass down to the next generation. Proof in the Sunday pudding: I won the golden egg in the adult egg hunt (yes, that exists and I crushed everyone else because I have zero tact when it comes to Easter eggs, absolutely no humility, and a complete social misunderstanding of how to play with others). Think Monica Gellar at Easter. I also won a whopping $9.37 of my friend's money and was a complete and total winner.

I can hardly say the same for my children.

First of all, Kate didn't even participate. She threw in the towel before the main event even started claiming ridiculous reasons like "I can't walk" and "I don't know how to pick up Easter eggs."


I'm justifiably concerned I already have an excuse maker on my hands.

As for the rest of the group, well, here's how it went down.


Wide open spaces full of eggs. This wasn't so much an Easter egg hunt as it was an Easter egg throwing into grass. We were tossing underhand and things started out pretty good when you dumb it down this much for the toddler crowd.


I really liked the intensity I was seeing from the children at first - the understanding that this is a competition and it matters. Langley had already done a day care hunt the day before so she was walking into this in egg hunting shape.

But that could only last so long.


First, they got distracted by an airplane.
Do you have any idea how much time was wasted pointing and waving at the "ay-pane"? I could have run the table on gathering these eggs just during "ay-pane" time. We see "ay-panes" everyday. We do not see jellybean filled eggs everyday. LOOK ALIVE PEOPLE.


Or how much time was wasted looking at the eggs collected?
Look how many eggs are around her? It's like she's sleeping on the job. Charlotte, I expected more from you.


HOLD THE PHONE. What is this new and fascinating idea?
"Ball."
SAM. Oh my gosh. Yes, there is a ball in the yard. We have balls in our yard. What we don't have is Easter eggs full of candy. Game.Face.

 

Here we have a lovely mother-daughter pep talk taking place. I'm not sure what Lauren is telling Langley but I assume it's something to effect of "look alive, head in the game, let's do this."


Sam, getting it together. A brief moment of parental pride for me.


Followed by Sam and Charlotte not getting it together and chit chatting with their competition.


Ferdinand Sam picking a flower during the heat of battle. This is not my child. This is Chuck's child. My child would be WINNING not frolicking.


Charlotte being adorable with her eggs and winning the hearts of everyone, even calloused hearts like mine.


(sigh, huffy breathe) Until she started sharing her eggs with Langley and that is a clear violation of basic hunting rules. I was so disappointed. 1. Langley did not need any help. She was killing it out there. 2. No fraternizing with the competition. Charlotte, this is your second fraternizing violation. Get it together.

 
Charlotte, getting it together.


Sam, stopping mid hunt to enjoy the spoils of his findings.


Oh I'm sorry Sam was the competition just so rigorous that you needed a half time to cool off. Take a breather. Stretch it out. This is so his father to just do the hunt "for fun" and to "have a good time" and not "take things so seriously".


{I just really liked this picture of Langley so I'm keeping it in even though I have nothing to say about it other than she is fabulous.}


You might *MIGHT* think this is Sam with a serious game face on post hunt.
Nope.
This is Sam with about 15 jellybeans stuffed into his chipmunk cheeks trying to get those down without an CPR/First Aid help.

Any jellybeans that didn't fit into his mouth were put into the water table. He's a smart one.

Well, what I can say is we have a whole year to up our Easter egg hunting skillz and make sure no embarrassments like this happen next year. I'm keeping the eggs out of the Easter d├ęcor box so we can have daily hunting lessons as well as lessons on understanding competition and winning. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

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