decorating for christmas with/for/against a toddler.

Sam is literally why we can't have nice things.

No, actually, I mean that. That kid cost an arm and a leg and a kitchen remodel to get here and we literally can't have nice things because of him. What? I will remind him of this everyday. "Can I get a pony?" No. You got to be alive.

Moving on to my original point: in the greater sense of the cliché, he is why we can't have nice things or rather why we can't decorate for the Christmas the 'normal' way. Toddlers are mini terrorists. They just are.

First world problems: I can't decorate for Christmas the way I want to. God, my life is SO. ROUGH.

Anyways, this angelic, beautiful little boy face is absolutely in love with Christmas and we've been in the season for two whole days. Not like a normal amount of love, think Lenny from Mice and Men and Sam is going to love Christmas to death. It's going to be a great month for him - which is good because it's going to be followed by a terrible January when Christmas goes away and a sister comes in its place. It's not really an even trade for him and I get that.

Poster child for holiday spirit.
Anyways, decorating the house has been a little different this year and Sam and I thought that we would jointly compose this blog post to really emphasize what he's done to my beloved holiday. I'm going to be switching narrators here people so the grammar police can just go home now. I don't have time for you today.

Let's start with tree decorating. Sam has compiled a few ideas for your tree this year. He is like a young Nate Berkus, minus the talent and the vision.


"Don't be afraid to use the tissue paper you wrapped the ornaments in as part of your tree decorations. The pops of color and mix of texture are perfect additions to your traditional holiday décor."


"When placing your ornaments, spacing is an important thing to consider. I chose no spacing and also no hangers. Just throw the ornaments onto the tree and let it organically fill itself."


"Sometimes it's important to just stop, step back, and let the ornaments speak to you. Often they know where they belong more than you do. Once they have spoken to you through osmosis, throw it onto the tree. He will find his home."


"So many people get bogged down with whether to use classic or sentimental ornaments. I like a mix of both and also a mix of Hot Wheels on the tree. These do need to be delicately positioned with the utmost care. They are treasured items."


"Why keep Christmas Trivia cards in a box where they have to be pulled out one by one by guests? Instead, consider adding the cards to the tree as part of a literary/pop culture tree design. Scattering them below the tree also helps add to the holidays."

I hope you got some ideas for your tree. I can't tell you how happy we are with ours and how happy Sam is with it. He's very in love with his tree and plans to marry it. Remember the pumpkin carving post? I'm calling it a month in advance: that post will be repeated with the taking down of the tree.

Now for Christmas decorating from my point of view. Thanks Sam for keeping it interesting around here this season. And for forcing me to keep many of my items in storage OR in peculiar/different/new spots. Oh and for constantly redecorating my tree. That's super swell of you.



As you will notice, the number of stockings hung by the chimney with care is zero. Sam likes to table dance on the fire place - super safe - and I had this vision of sugar plums him pulling the easily reached stockings onto his head followed by the heavy metal holder. As fun as Christmas with stitches sounds...we will pass. So, when Santa tries to fill those none existent stockings on Christmas Eve, I hope he reads this post (I'll leave the computer open) and leaves Sam coal for ruining Mommy's mantle.

 


It's not surprising. Christmas bear is routinely killed. I find him maimed on the couch, under the table, by the tree. I don't know why. He seems like a lovely bear to me.


 
My assumption here is that there was a falling out of sorts. Someone said something to someone and Sam put them all in time out. All of this is hear say. I don't know why he did this but at least he hasn't broken them. Yet.


 
Not decoration related, BUT look who accurately depicted holiday driving?
He's a genius.

 
I love these Santas a whole lot, Sam, and they were very expensive. I do not appreciate having them in the bathroom this year but it's the only room in the house where I can trust that they will be left alone and not murdered AND where I can still somewhat enjoy them. Again. Thanks for ruining the mantle, kid - that's where these men belong. I also do not appreciate having nasty pink tile in a bathroom. This room is all wrong and not meant for red Santas. Or to be photographed. Or used. Or looked at.
 
 

 
Ok, yes, I could pack away the snow globes for this year and try again next year. BUT he's super into snow globes - they're so hot right now - that I don't have the heart. Instead, I get to cram them onto a tall window sill that they don't fit on or look good in and just call it. Snow globes will not be my Christmas hill to die on. 
 

This is my advent calendar. I like it. It's simple. My Dad gave it to me and I used it in my former teacher life. It's the puzzle kind where a picture is revealed.

THIS is what it looks like right now:

Sorry for the crummy cell pic. They can't all be winners.

Topless Toddler had an "uhhh ohhh" and pulled the boxes out. Thank god I have the above picture to easily redo the calendar, unlike this morning when I spent all of Sesame Street trying to put it together after he took every last one out (defense: it's a little hard - the pieces don't totally line up - and I am pregnant dumb, big time.) Advent calendar will be finding a new home in the morning.

Again. This is why we can't have nice things.

And this is just day 2. We have a long season to go.
 

santa pictures in all their glory.

Happy December.
Happy Christmas.
Happy it's the month where it's totally normal for kids to sit on a strange man's lap and have their picture taken.

Only month of the year that that doesn't seem to raise any eyebrows. Okey dokey.

Sam was stoked to see Santa.

Lie.

Sam has no concept of Santa because he's a stupid baby. He does say "Ho Ho Ho" when I ask him what Santa says but I don't count that for anything. I think the understanding of Santa is even less than the understanding that "there's a baby in mommy's tummy." Witch craft.

So, anywayz, Santa pictures went super well.



SUPER well.

Sensitive Sam was doing a great job waiting patiently and we were just second in line for the day to meet The Big Guy. Sam had a good rapport going with Santa. Eyes were being made at each other, smiles and waves were exchanged. Things were looking good. OH! And Sam had deduced that Santa had candy with him which means he loved him already. He was *this close* to getting BFF necklaces with him.

EXCEPT slash UNTIL the kid in front of us did not get that memo and his parents also did not get the "deal with it" memo on Santa pictures. They didn't want a screaming picture, but they had a screaming child.  So they decided now would be good time to try to teach their 2 year old to forgo the natural instinct to not trust the stranger offering them candy. They also decided that allowing this meltdown to continue for almost ten minutes was totally fine.

Look, I'm not trying to knock their parenting style. I know, Judgy wudgy was a bear and I get it. Sorry. I'm just saying: know your kids' limits AND have some sense of well being for the line of people you are holding hostage. These are the same people who stop in traffic, try to merge while going zero, and hold up everyone all because they couldn't read the right turn only sign and now that's your problem. You know these people. I hate these people.

Sensitive Sam got all flustered watching this insanity and by the time this family decided to NOT take a Santa picture, Sam was already crying.

And yes, this will be the first of MANY times that I blame someone else's kid and parenting style for the short comings of my sweet angel Sam. He is a god and I tell him that every day (name the TV show that  epic line came from).

We did quickly shove a candy cane into Sam's mouth to quiet him and called it good. We know Sam's limits. Once the circle of trust is broken only candy and distraction can start mending it. Plus, the screaming/terrified/why would you do this to me? picture is a rite of passage. Just don't tell my mother - she is not a fan of the screaming Santa pics.




And it's officially December. My goodness. Where did the year go?

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