Lie. That little turkey was all about having the big meal at our place, but once he found out about the cooking, cleaning and actual work involved in hosting Thanksgiving he was all, "see ya", did the baby microphone drop, and left this to me.
OR I said I wasn't traveling for holidays this year and if you want to see the child and the half cooked child, you best be coming our way.
I actually love hosting Thanksgiving. I think it gets a bad rap as this hellacious meal to prepare but it's really not that difficult. It's especially not that difficult when you are 33 weeks pregnant and your Mom and Mother-in-Law are basically pot lucking the meal to your place. Everybody is pitching in to feed The Whale (that's me) so it's making out to be a pretty simple Thanksgiving.
I will be contributing actual feed not just my winning personality and biting wit. I will be handling the turkey. This is the recipe I have elected to try from Allrecipes - feel free to weigh in on that and any other life choices you'd like to discuss. Now seems like a great time. Also, I will also be doing the cranberry sauce (I'm the only eater of it), green bean casserole (little less green bean, little more French onions), and some appeteasers.
Oh and obviously décor, ambiance, and atmosphere - pick your term.
And an opportunity to color all over his face.
Toddler arts and crafts were this morning and let me tell you something. Have you ever considered giving your cat art supplies and seeing what would happen? Yes? No? Well I can guarantee that it would have gone better than this.
I rolled out the kraft paper to cover my very expensive, one of a kind IKEA table that I would be devastated if anything happened too...I couldn't care less what happens to this bad boy but having the kraft paper and the foresight to put it on the table before starting made me feel...
Anywhoo. To distract the native whilst I set up the rest of our future Pinterest Fail, I locked him into his booster seat with a couple of Crayola markers and said "have it, son."
That he did.
Until a series of very accidental "uhhhhh ohhhhhhs" sent the markers off the table. Total accidents. Not his fault at all. It's not his fault that he held the markers over the edge of the table, let go, and watched them fall to their deaths (they didn't die - but they might as well have since I have a zero pick up policy for these kind of accidents.). Like I said, it was the marker's faults. They should have defied gravity.
Now I have the Wicked sound track stuck in my head. Anyone else singing Defying Gravity right now? We could sing together....
Ok. So it was time for paint. Basically, my vision was paint + paper + name = adorable. Actually, when I lower my expectations to just that, this didn't turn out so bad. I should try the same with my marriage (wink.).
Sam's vision for the piece was to turn it into an all you can eat painting buffet. I'm reasonably sure this was all the edible kind of paints - not like Willy Wonka snozberry kind of paint, but like the non-toxic, I don't *think* he will glow kind of paint.
We spent about 10 minutes doing this wrestling act while making our "place cards" (the term "place cards" will be in quotes for the remainder of the post to further demonstrate that these are in no way real place cards or something that twenty something Susie would ever have put on her table. 33 week, thirty something Susie? Hot damn. These look amazing.)
I believed that I could man handle Mr. Baby enough to get a thorough smattering of polka dots onto the paper to create a sort of turkey like shape. Sam believed that he could exploit my level of immobility and just do as he pleased. Point Sam.
In my vision world, these "place cards" had about 7 other colors and also had Sam's thumb print in brown for the turkey's head/body. In reality, I called it after three colors and painted the brown on with a brush and called it good. Win some, lose some.
Super wish you could have been there for the clean up process, except that would have gotten the blog an NC-17 rating. Look. The kid was covered in paint head to toe. He needed a full hose down in the bath but I'm not about to get my clothes covered in paint too. I'm rocking a rotation of about 3 maternity looks right now - I can't afford any "uhhhh ohhhs". So, I stripped and we naked ran to the bathroom to get cleaned up. It was both my finest hour (no paint got anywhere) and my lowest (I ran naked through my house with a paint covered 18 month old). I choose the glass to be half full.
So, how did our "place cards" turn out?
Not exactly what I had in mind but maybe Sam can pull it out next year and not eat the supplies or be "all done" 30 seconds into the project. At least it's not a total Pinterest Fail. It's also not a Pinterest Win. Settle for a Pinterest Meh? Fine by me.