sam: future purse holder at disneyland.


I have THAT kid. The one that hates fun. Ok, specifically hates amusement parky type kiddie rides. I am in total shock. Thank you for asking, yes, obviously, this is a massive let down for me and a huge problem. I'll add it to his baby book: "first time you have disappointed me". I can't even look at him.

That might be a little harsh.
I don't think so.

Ok, so I get that he's only a year old and yes, his taste can change but I have legitimate concerns. Not about his future in riding 25cent disease boxes at a shopping mall but his future at Disneyland.

HOW WILL THIS AFFECT (effect? too mad to even think of grammar) MY FUTURE AT DISNEYLAND?

I am in knots over this.
Clearly this is important and worth getting an ulcer over.

I put him on a quarter ride about a month ago and he was a total dud - it was an absolute no-go, hot mess, sobbing meltdown. I reasoned that maybe he was just too blown away from the massive amounts of fun and excitement and was overcome with emotion. That's why he became a disaster (not because he's a wuss).

Or possibly, it's because those rides are kind of bumpy, it's somewhat noisy (?), 100% filthy - maybe he's a germaphobe, I don't know. I've only known him a year. I have condiments I've known longer.

NEWhoo, Well I gave that kid a second chance and he totally blew it. Even with his best friend Lucas at his side, who was handling and appreciating all the fun.

Sam starts out fine.

"Ooooh what is this tasty box of grime? What does it do?"

Then, he remembers. Baby 'Nam flashbacks, I guess. Oh and we put a quarter in so that's probably mostly why the sobbing started.

"That's what it does! I hate it. Hate it, hate it, hate it."

Naturally, I ripped him out of this toy, wrapped him in motherly love, and whisked him away from the horror.


I put him on every single ride at this mall and calmly explained to him that it was part of a scientific experiment on just how lame he was being. He was the control (?) and the variable (?) was the motion in each ride which was different: up and down, circular, bumpy, back and forth.

Conclusion: He's terrible. He hated all of them and now I'm pretty sure Sam will be the only 8 year old at Disneyland waiting at the bottom of the Matterhorn holding purses and just watching.

What am I supposed to do with this?
Fine fine fine. I'll give it time. And keep trying to love him despite this shortcoming.


  1. Oh no that is my nightmare too!!! Hopefully he gets his act together pretty soon before he is disowned!! Lol. But I have to say those faces are precious and definitely belong in the senior video!!

  2. You are hilarious. Hadley will be sitting next to him. But she will be 14. And still lame. And most likely texting.

  3. This is the best post I've ever read. Ever. As in, I just email forwarded it to my friends.

  4. This had me in stitches. All of the different pictures of him having a fit on all of the different rides. LOVE IT. Well not really - it would suck if he hated Disney.

    1. P.S. Dayna (Princess Burlap) referred me to your site and I am in love!


Tell me about it. Oh and thanks for validating my life.

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