sam gets owned by a baby half his size.

Sam had a couple of hotties over today for a play date.

In the end, it was an eye opening experience for him and he walks away a changed baby man. Kid learned a valuable lesson today: Girls are tougher than they look. Don't let the headbands fool you.

Let's set the scene.

Sam invited Langley and Charlotte over since they are on Spring Break (and everyday is Spring Break to us...wink...). He actually didn't set any of this up. He can only pretend talk on the phone. And he can't even pretend text. I had to set up the whole day for him. Dead. Weight.



The Ladies and The Man Child (in order, Langley, Sam, and Charlotte).
Fun fact: two of these babies were born 5 days apart.
Spoiler alert: It's Sam and Charlotte. She's so teeny tiny. She's in a 9 month onesie here. Sam is in an 18 month tee.

Ok. Here's what happened today and where baby life lessons were learned.

During an archeological dig through Langley's diaper bag, Sam discovered the most delicious set of car keys he'd ever laid baby eyes and slobber on. They were the perfect combination of too many keys, club cards, and other key ring type paraphernalia (seriously Lauren - custodians have fewer keys).

He was beside himself.

Charlotte was amazed too and came over to see what all the fuss was about.

This is the moment where it all goes down hill for trusting, nice guy Sam Allison. Charlotte yanked those car keys out of his hand so fast, he didn't even see it coming. I mean, in his defense, she is so itty bitty and pocket sized. How much trouble could she cause?


"Um, so those were mine. I was playing with them. I got them first. If you smell them, I did lick them, which is basically like dibs-ing them with slobber. I'm sure this is just a mistake. If you could just hand them over that would be great."


"These, Sam? No. I'm pretty sure these are mine. You may have marked them, but I definitely stole them which makes them mine. I won these fair and square. Sorry not sorry. Gotta be quicker than that."



What Sam didn't understand is that Charlotte goes to day care. She is from the streets and she has seen things. She's playing street rules here. She came with her A game. She came to win.


"Oh Sam. Are these the keys you 'dibs'd'? They're so jingly and pretty."


"Neener neener neener."


"Oh you ain't gettin' these, Allison. I can play this game all day. You wanna dance? Do ya, big boy?"


This was the point that I was sure Sam would use size to his advantage. Throw your weight around, kid. It's there to be used! He had so many options: 1. He could just eat her - she's about the size of his lunch 2. Chop her down at the baby knees. 3. Sit on her.


Or run to the nearest adult and be a total tattle tale. C'mon Sam. This meets none of the qualifications for telling an adult: no one is hurt, no one is in danger. I know you were in utero when I was teaching, so you had to have heard that speech 14 times a day for 39 weeks. How did that not stick?


My assumption - and feel free to disagree with my interpretation - but this feels like a taunting hug. It just doesn't feel genuine or ring true.


"Oh Langley - would YOU like to see and touch these beautiful car keys that I OWN?"

Like I said, Charlotte is from the streets. She plays dirty. Obviously, I loved her style. She killed it.


(insert taunting caption here)


"Wanna see 'em? Wanna smell 'em?"


"Not gonna happen, Sam. Dream on."


This was the moment when Charlotte learned her lesson for the day: pride goeth before the fall. And the fall in this case was the car keys from her hand mid taunt. By this point, she and Sam had made about 4 laps around the ottomans doing this car keys dance for nearly 5 minutes. She got a little cocky by the end and Sam moves surprisingly fast for his size.


"The horror! The horror!"

Oh, the agony of defeat.


The thrill of victory (?).

He played with them for 7 whole seconds.

Worth it.

2 comments:

  1. Susie - I have read this blog posting about 100 times. It's my go to when I need a smile. I love the way you write and I love how you captured Charlotte. :)

    ReplyDelete

Tell me about it. Oh and thanks for validating my life.

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