Today was the last day of school. It's always my favorite day and my least favorite day every year. It's hard to say goodbye to little friends you spend what seems like a lifetime with and who you know that you will never see again in that same capacity or that same light. And they will never see you the same. They will belong to someone else soon and soon you will have new friends that will be your one and only(s).
Except this year was really, really different for me.
Obviously my last day was back in April when I was pregasaurus rex and could barely walk, but not so huge that I couldn't ride on the carousal at the zoo with my first graders on our field trip together. Priorities.
I find this picture to be both terrifying and terrifyingly amazing. Amazing that I got myself on that horse (win) and off (with the help of a parent, so fail), and that there is a near 11 pound baby in there, eight days away from coming out. Yikes. I am enormous and planet like. But I digress.
That was my last day eve before maternity leave and the next day I said goodbye to my first graders. Every bit of that day felt like the real last day of school. It was hard and I was a mess. A hot pregnant mess which is never a pretty site. But to be honest, I was mostly relived that I'd gotten out of there without giving birth in front of my kids. That could've been super awkward.
Today was the real last day of school. Sam and I went back to say goodbye to everyone again, but this time it was for real real. Because I'm not going back in the fall.
I'm lucky enough to be able to stay home with Sam and that's what I've chosen to do. Back in April, I said goodbye to my 16 first graders. Today I said goodbye to the other 300 kids. It's exciting to be able to stay home and just focus on being a mom, but terrifying to lose part of me - the teacher part.
Someone introduced me the other day as a former teacher and it all but knocked the wind out of me. I am a teacher, I always will be one, but for right now, I need to be something else. A mom. And I am incredibly grateful that I get to do this.
I know staying home isn't every one's idea of a good time and it isn't the path everyone would choose. I also know it's the path so many wish they could choose but can't for different reasons. That's why I feel so blessed that I can do this.
I know there will be bad days. I know there will be days where I will miss my former life so much I won't be able to breath. I also know there will be days where I will thank God I didn't miss a moment with him.
I like to joke that he literally cost too much to put in day care. Or that I spent all my working years making him and now I need a vacation (not that this will be one...). But the truth is, no matter how I'd gotten Sam, this would've been my choice - as long as we are able for me to do it. My goal in life was always to be a teacher, but my dream was to be a Mom.
So. Just so you know, I'm officially a stay-at-home Mom. Bring on the soap operas, house coats, and curlers.
FYI. It's been the best job ever so far.