just some night time nesting

So it's a little after 11 pm on a Saturday night and obviously, I just cleaned out the fridge for a little night time nesting.

We found some interesting specimens in the fridge. For example, the cause of the smell was not from the Easter eggs as we had first anticipated, but rather the cilantro rotting cleverly hiding in the crisper. Funny story, I don't remember the last recipe I made that called for cilantro so its mere existence in our fridge is truly mind boggling. Obviously we were confused on the longevity of the cilantro in the crisper. Is it 3-5 days or 3-5 weeks?

Maybe this post isn't so much about nesting as it is about hoarding.
(Wipe the judgy look off your face.)

In a standard Allison family fridge clean out, the perishables, the obviously molding items and at least one of the three sour creams that I always have in there are thrown out. Chuck typically takes care of this and usually it happens the night before garbage night OR (Murphy's law) the night before I need all three sour creams. Great Allison divides have been caused by the sour cream hoarding, but that is another story. Focus, Susie.

In the "oh em gee, we're having a baby" rush, the fridge was neglected the past few garbage nights in favor of nursery prep and projects. Apparently, we found it more important to have the house be pretty for Baby Sam than hygienically sound.

What rarely (and by rarely I mean, never) gets cleaned out is the fridge door. The final resting place of the brothers Sauce: soy, teriyaki, BBQ. Paul Newman frequents the door in salad dressing form, as does many a half used salsa.

Tonight, I bravely decided to go where clearly no Allison has gone before in this house: the fridge door. Partly because of nesting reasons and partly because there had been a condiments take over on the main fridge shelves which clearly violated the Frigidaire Treaty of 1908. That treaty may be made up, but the property line in a fridge is not.

I began to work my way through the door looking at expiration dates alone. It was a startling experience and one I'm unlikely to forget. Some of the items have been with us so long, it seemed careless and casual to so easily throw them out.


The mango chutney, expired June 2010.
The summer before his unfortunate expiration, our first summer in the house, I did a lot of chutney experimenting. Judging by the amount used, I would say the experiments did not go well.


Bull's-Eye Barbecue, expired November 2009. What's offensive about the Bull's-Eye Barbecue is that we are Sweet Baby Ray's people. I have no idea how this monstrosity ended up poisoning our door.


Horseradish. No expiration date on bottle. Concerns: we don't like or use horseradish. I can't think of a single recipe ever that went with this, and (though you can't tell in the picture), it's definitely not the right color for horseradish. Lot of issues with this one. Kind of like how Chuck and I have a lot of issues.


A final group picture.

Oh wait. One friend was missing from the group picture:



His name is Apple Cider Vinegar.
I knew immediately where I bought this, why I bought this, and most shockingly, when I bought this. I also noticed that it's a bit cloudy and I'm pretty sure apple cider vinegar isn't supposed to do that. But I did know that he was the clear "winner" (obviously we knew that someone in the fridge door would be the oldest and/or have the best story to tell and would win some sort of soiled food prize).

The expiration date, for starters, is July 2007.
Let that sink in for a second as you try to figure out the shelf life of vinegar.

I bought Mr. Cider Vinegar in February 2005 at the 18th Street Deli when I made my Dad's favorite - Japanese Chicken - for Chuck. We were definitely seniors in college and engaged. This bottle for sure predates our marriage.

Chuck has now begun accusing me of not fully committing to our marriage, trying to pull some ploy regarding Community Property with Vinegar (because that definitely exists). I clearly brought my own vinegar into the union and have kept it separate and hidden from him in hopes of winning its custody in the divorce. Except not, because maybe we should be cleaning out the fridge door more than once every eight years and things like apple cider vinegar from college wouldn't exist.

But he does exist.
And he is glorious.

And for those of you who know us well, as many of you do, I'm guessing you are probably wondering what we did with Mr. Cider Vinegar (because throwing him away is clearly not a given with his beautiful and storied past).

Sleep tight sweet prince.

1 comment:

  1. I'm really hoping that Mr. Cider Vinegar went right back in the fridge where he belongs. He's pretty much a staple of that fridge now.

    ReplyDelete

Tell me about it. Oh and thanks for validating my life.

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