day seventeen: the secrets and the stories.

Yesterday's post was "secrets". I love secrets, I love games.
I think I like the stories behind the secrets more which is why I am way more excited to write these babies down than I ever was making yesterday's post.

I loved hearing the guesses and seeing what people must think of us. Actually, people know us pretty well which is pretty terrifying.

Ok I'm just gonna dive right in.

Chuck: I don't think there was any doubt that this was Chuck. Mostly, because it says "pretend" to have a panic attack and obviously I would actually have a panic attack in an elevator. The day that Chuck told me this "secret", I peed a little. The day he actually did it in front of my whilst trapped in an elevator with him, I almost passed out from hysterical laughing. THEN, I started to get motion sick from all his pacing, had an actual panic attack, and that sounds about right. He's not allowed to do it anymore in front of me.

Me: I hate to admit this, but I super love this show. Because of all the years of Chuck flying and all those pilot boys hanging around, I get this show. I have a basic understanding of the language, I get what they are doing, and that makes me feel pretty awesome. Now, I have no idea what the right rudder actually is, but I do know you usually need more of it and that Ariel probably shouldn't ever get her license because she's a menace to everything in the sky (birds included).

 Chuck: Oh yeah BABY! This is alllllll Mr. Allison. Once upon a time in 2006, Chuck was driving a 1987 Jetta because the love of his life (his Golf) had been totaled. He got up for work (he was a flight instructor) looked at me with a "yikes" expression on his face and said "I think the Jetta is really low on gas and I don't think I can make it out to the airport today. I'm taking your car." Wow. He stole my car and left me with the Jetta.

Good thing I didn't have a life and was completely house bound like the Mom from What's Eating Gilbert Grape. Oh wait, I did have a life and things to do and NEEDED A CAR. I called him and he said "yeah, I think it'll make it to the gas station." In his defense, it did. Right into the gas station where it ran out and had to be pushed to the pump. It was mortifying and I have never forgiven him.

BOTH: We are terrible people. Actually no we aren't - I have never once felt bad about this and here's why: In our defense, we have rules that we use when we pull this (and we pull this EVERYday). First of all, we only ever pull this move in a double exit lane situation (usually at an interchange - if you are from 'round here, think 1-90 west merging to 405.). We NEVER do this unless we are taking the exit. We are not that bad.

What happens during rush hour is that one exit lane will be backed up for MILES. Like all the way to the second star on the left, then straight on to morning. The other, wide open. So, we run up the one that is open and then cut into the stop and go side at the moment it ceases being gridlock and breaks apart. This always happens and usually does about 5 feet from the exit.

Now, we have strict rules, so don't hate us.

1. In your efforts to pull this, you cannot, ever, cause the wide open lane to slow down. If you have to slow, thus holding up cars in the fast lane, you have broken the rules and shouldn't be allowed to drive. That's just rude and you cannot be that person. See rule 3.

2. Likewise, you cannot cut off a car in the stop and go lane or force yourself in. You must wait for an opening when the line breaks apart, at which point you perfectly time your speed and slide right in. It's like poetry in motion and no one has to brake.

3. Come to terms with the fact that you may lose. Have a Plan B. If you cannot get over without breaking rule 1 or 2, you must accept your punishment. You have to take the exit you don't want and loop back around. You also have to sing the Mario dying sound effect from original Nintendo because you just lost.

This is my favorite game. It really is a game. Chuck and I have moderately heinous commutes and this is the bright spot for us. We love it. However, the rules are set in stone and in the three years I've been playing it, I have had to accept punishment and use Plan B only five times. What it boils down to is that we make sure our driving doesn't affect anyone else. If there's an opening and I didn't have to wait in line for 15 minutes, I'm going to take it. We are really good at this game. So, don't hate us. Please.

ME (but also Chuck): We do this 100% of the time, all day long. We sing songs to Jack. We sing about Jack to each other. We are cat people and we have a problem. Examples:

Snow Patrol; Chasing Cars: "If I lay here, if I just lay here, will Jack lie with me and just forget the world?"

Duran Duran; The Reflex: "The Jackson, is an only cat."

Christmas time (all the time); Good King Wenceslas: "Good King Stinky looked about on a feast of fluffs." - that is the most often sung and I would consider it his theme song.

Chuck: Chuck had a pre-paid cell phone for a long time and didn't get an actual cell plan and phone until 2006. We'd been married six months - it was time. His pre-paid cell phone was so rarely used that eventually they just gave away his number and for years he had nothing. Anyone who thought this was me - really? I'm from Bellevue. I've had a cell phone since 2002 because Shelley got hers taken away and Mom and Dad sent it to me. That doesn't make me cooler than Chuck, does it?

Me: Chuck LOVES that I do this. And by love, I mean HATE. Look, I don't keep anything of value in my car, ever. Ever. My stereo is stock - no ones stealing it. What I don't need is my window smashed in so that some thief can root around only to discover that all those wrappers weren't hiding a purse, just more wrappers.

Me: I can make a Thanksgiving turkey. I can make an insane curry. I make fudge. Rice-a-Roni? Impossible. I mess it up every time. I have no reason. I just can't do it.

Chuck: I love watching Teen Mom. Chuck loves screaming JENELLE like that horrible girl's Mom does. It's something we can share? Anyways, he yells it all.the.time. I'll holler upstairs "Chuck!" He'll holler back "JENELLE!". When his cousin calls - good Janelle - lord, he cannot handle it. Sends him into a JENELLE scream fest for hours.

Chuck: He campaigned for this honor in high school. He won. I'm not even certain he has buns in 501s, let alone the best. Meanwhile, I was voted Whale of a Whiner unanimously by my senior class (I know that for a fact. I counted the votes - I'm a whiner and a winner).

So there you go.
By Chuck and Susie.

I hope you love us even more now.

1 comment:

Tell me about it. Oh and thanks for validating my life.

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