this is a normal easter.

We take our Easter activities very seriously around here.

Last year marked a huge turning point from where Easter went from relatively (though not really) pretty, kind of normal. We'd put our own twist on Easter egg hunts before, but last year, Fe just really took it to a new level.

It was going to be a tall order to top last year.
Naturally, Fe began planning this year's events in February. Perfection, apparently, takes about 9 weeks. Who knew.

We did Lucy's Easter egg hunt first thing, ate lunch, and then put her down for a nap. No one under the age of 18 should be able to witness what happened next. I'm still trying to sort through my emotions on what went down. Two year olds just aren't ready for this.

The rules for this year were similar to last year.
Everyone can find 10 colored eggs.
1 egg with your name on it.
An unlimited number of "animal" eggs. These eggs contain the "games". They are both terrifying to find and thrilling. So many mixed emotions.

Fe set the rules all cute and nice and normal.

Shelley was skeptical. And she had every right to be. Last year's Easter was like 'Nam. You can move on, but you're forever changed. You never forget. She didn't even dress up for Easter this year. After the "pudding incident" of Easter '10, Shelley stopped wearing her finest. No one can blame her.

Shelley was also seen visibly pre-searching the rooms with her eyes before the official "go", which is a strict violation of Fe/PK law. Next year, I will be bringing her down in a blind fold. Either that, or she needs a lesson in subtlety. Either, or.

The Fe/PK laws of Easter egg hunting have always been fixed and rigid. No looking around during rule-debriefing. No eggs hidden out of plain sight. No eggs in anything that needs to be opened. Fe and PK did a terrible job following their rules this year.

Case and point: They hid an egg in the toilet. Lid shut, egg floating. Had their not been a precious $1 bill in that baby, I would have flushed her down and let them pay for the plumbing bill (obviously to teach them a lesson that we don't break Easter egg hunt rules).

The entire hunt, let's just come right out and say it, I dominated this year.

Basically, what you're seeing in this picture is me practically running a clinic on how you Easter egg hunt. I decimated the competition. Fe said sometimes I take the fun out of games. I said it's not my fault I'm awesome.

In fact, I had to give pity eggs to both Shelley and Chuck in order to "even" out the totals and make things "fair."

This is me giving Shelley an egg.

This is Shelley realizing that I had hunted through my bag and had given her eggs with coins in them, not ones with bills. What? I need to look out for number 1. AND that bathroom remodel isn't paying for itself.

When we finished, we opened our eggs and counted our winnings.
I ended up with $17.83.

I am clearly #1.

Shelley was really happy for me coming in first.
She was just busting with happiness for me.

Chuck was the loser. He came in with $14.24. He's always so happy and such a good sport about everything. Lame.

Some of the colored eggs were filled with dollar bills.
Some of the colored eggs were filled with change.

This is the moment I realized my mother had raided her Operation Rice Bowl collection container for the money she put in our eggs. She's had this container for months on her kitchen counter. Today, she stole back her money. I said I didn't want her blood money. Shelley said to be quiet because we need that money. Her taking money from the Catholic Relief Fund is my favorite part of Easter. (for the record, she will be replacing all the money, this was just a temporary raid).

Once we'd counting our moo-lah, it was time for the "animal eggs".
Shelley went first.

Reading the description was enough for wettening to occur. I will not say who did the wettening. Just know that it happened because our Easter Sundays are amazing.

This is Pigs in a Blanket. Game number 1.
Roll your teammate in a blanket from the kitchen to the fire place. At the fire place, switch, and the other partner is now rolled back.

This was a timed event.
This was also a team event (Susie and PK vs Chuck and Shelley).

This is how my family room had to be rearranged in order to accommodate Pigs in a Blanket.

PK and I laid out the strategies in the living room before hand.
We take things very seriously.
We also know that winning isn't everything. It's the only thing.

We went for the grab and roll approach.

Highly effective.

Later (during the debrief session where more pants were wettened), Shelley said her favorite part was Dad slamming me into the couch, my body curling into the fetal position, and Dad's unflinching ability to continue to roll me without any hesitation. I was not fussed or upset by this at all. I would have done the same thing. Winning  is the target.

Dad and I ultimately won this event because Shelley and Chuck attempted to steal the Easter-spirit by cheating with a lack-of re-wrapping the second pig properly into the blanket. Fe had no choice but to DQ them. Good call, ref, because Dad and I had already decided to play under protest if the decision didn't go our way. This just saved time.

Next was Bunny Tails.
Use shovels to scoop cotton balls one handed. Hop to the fire place (one hand only on the cotton balls) and dump them into the bucket on the fire place. Team event: Shelley and PK v. Chuck and Susie. Head-to-head competition.

It started normal.
(this is our baseline for normal)

Then PK started shoveling cotton balls into his mouth.

So we all did.
Guess what? Getting cotton ball residue out of your mouths takes a considerable amount of time.

Next up:

Golf. Tootsie pop and a chocolate egg. This was an individual event, timed (of course) with a set distance we had to "golf".

But that's not all.
We had to be chugging nuun the entire time. Apparently, you need optimal hydration for Easter games.

Dad was the clear winner.
Totally unfair. The man is a golf genius. I could have won a McDonald's eating contest hands-down. I told Fe that next year, she needs to play to all our strengths.

The last event.

Udder toss: Fill a latex glove (udder) with water and grease with butter. Egg toss with your partners. Shelley and Susie vs. PK and Chuck.
It was intense.

Shelley and I lost, but I think PK and Chuck cheated. I don't know how, but I'll prove it alright.

So, that was Easter. It was a little bananas around here. Somehow, Lucy slept through the entire spectacle which I think is an Easter miracle.

It was great, really, but Fe forgot to bring prizes for the winners of each game and I said this oversight was really going to hurt the Yelp rating I give her for her Easter event. Disaster. I guess it was still a pretty amazing Easter because really how many Easters have you had where you laughed so hard you cried,  you rolled your Dad in a blanket across your family room floor, and had your Mom steal (er, borrow) money from a collection dish? That's what I thought.

But that is just a typical Easter at the Allison House.
For realz.


  1. LOL Susie, that is awesome. I will SO be doing that later in life. I love how you can see your mom seriously timing away in the background. HAHA. Awesome

  2. This is hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. Anyway, I've been reading your blog for a while now. I suppose lurking at your blog is more correct? But here is my reason for coming out of secret stalking - I saw these drawer pulls and thought of your niece. Clearly every almost 2 year old needs some Bieber fever on their bureau.

  3. Your family is HILARIOUS. I have no words!! I want to start this kind of tradition for my family one day....

    I am also a lurker who found you through Dooce. You're so funny, keep it up! :-)

  4. Susie, Susie, Susie.....

    If by now you haven't figured out that your parents regularly change the rules to a) suit them and b) frustrate their children, then you are hopelessly doomed.

    And the reason there were no competition prizes awarded was because me buying my own award isn't exactly all that exciting.....



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