and i thought disneyland was the happiest place.

I'm coming off one of those invigorating weekends. I have that empowering feeling, the kind you get after a really good conference or workshop. I'm just covered in W.O.W. I'm glowing.

We spent the weekend in Oregon with my big brudder, Eric.
Eric was given a gift from God. The gift is called Living in the Town NEXT to Where They Filmed Twilight. Hence my glowing amounts of happiness.

Eric and sister-in-law Stacia live in a little town in Oregon. The town next to their little town is an even smaller town, St. Helens. How the powers that be found or picked St. Helens to film this movie, I don't know, but thank God they did, because I happen to know the best St. Helens tour guide.

His name is Edward.
Obviously, he came with me on my journey as we (me, Edward, and Kristen Stewart's under bite) recreated the filming of the worst/greatest movie ever created. Bringing Edward was a must. (Is it sad that I had to make a decision over which Edward doll to bring because I may or may not have more than one? Go ahead and don't answer that.)

Stop one was Bella's house. The original Bella's house before they reconstructed this same house up in Vancouver for the filming of all subsequent movies (Is it sad that I know that? You know what, I have a feeling we are going to have a lot of these "sad" moments throughout, so let's just save the crying for my soul until the end of this post. And please remember, judgy wudgy was a bear.)

I like the sign stapled to the tree out front. It was written to Twilight Fans reminding us that real people live in this house. I guess Charlie must have moved out after the whole Renesmee scandal.

Here's what I think of that sign:
1. Not gonna detour me from driving by and making Edward fly into Bella's window. Please.

2. Yeah, I just, I mean we stayed on the public street. Me, Edward, Eric's hand, cupping Edward so gently. And BTDub, if you are going to have a mean STAY AWAY sign, don't type it in Twilight font. Now I know you are secretly a Twilight fan (and probably Team Jacob or you'd be nicer -- those people are all a little off).

Next we went full speed round the corner in The Back Alley.
You know, the place where Edward saves Bella from her own stupidity? Turns out, my big brudder has arrested actual bad guys in this very alley which basically makes him the coolest brother ever (did I mention Eric's a cop? well there ya go). I died.

Next to that alley, obviously, is the other alley Kristen Stewart hustles her overacting behind up to avoid "The Bad Men".

Eric, the under bite, and I recreated this moment of cinematic genius.
See how terrified I am? See how menacing the bad man is?

Back to The Alley where Eddie saves Bella.

I was terrified by The Bad Man (notice my acting abilities - they are, what the French call, Le Superb) until Edward practically floated through the air to my rescue. After all, he is a vampire, thus mystical, and apparently, now mystical means "can fly". The only thing missing here is a tiny silver Volvo and I'm pretty sure we would be getting offers to do the remake.

Despite our lack of teeny tiny Volvo, Edward still effectively chased my predator away (I don't count Edward on my list of predators. He would disagree -- it's adorable. God love him. So overprotective.).

The prom dress shop is in St. Helens too. But it's vacant (like Kristen Stewart's expression - SLAM - say what?! Oh no I did'nt.) 

I decided to still sit pensively in the window as Bella did whilst shopping with Jessica and Angela, plotting her escape to the bookstore that just happens to carry an obscure book about vampires. What're the chances?


The Bookstore. Except not. Actually a law office. Not belonging to J Jenks.
I checked.

This is the restaurant where Bella has the mushroom ravioli.


I tried to look just as excited as K-Stew does in the movie about her date with Edward. I think I really captured the moment.  Oh and this place is empty too now. Anyone else want to buy these buildings and create a giant shrine to Edward in them? Just me? Ok.

It was decided - and I swear, not by me - that this tour was officially not over. I l.o.v.e.d. taking this up a notch. Loved.

I buckled Edward up for our drive out of St. Helens (precious cargo) and we headed up to The Viewpoint Inn. Prom was filmed here and while I don't condone the use of a location not mentioned in the book, Rob walked here, thus hallowed ground.

I d-IED when I saw that they still had the prom arch way up.

Me. Dying. You can see it in the picture.

The view from the inn was amazing in the movie.

It was not as amazing in person because it was a scosh foggy. I could barely see the beauty, but I knew it was there.

On to the diner where they eat dinner in the movie. Again, not in the book, so I pretended it was the restaurant they went to after graduation in Eclipse. See? I even put Edward in the trees waiting to protect me/Bella. (<--- there - right there - that's the moment when I crossed the line.).

Grand finale was Oxbow Park for the "say it, out loud" scene. Big brother even paid the $5 for entrance into the state park. He also paid with his manhood and asked the park ranger for directions to the actual location.

I spell good big brother E.R.I.C.

It was one of those magical life moments being at this spot.
I'm going:
1. Twilight tour
2. Wedding day
Hands down, best day of 2011. I can't even fathom competing with this.

Oh and Chuck would like it noted that, as always, my foot choice for this adventure was completely inappropriate. Patten leather heals from Steve Madden. Chuck wasn't thrilled, but I think he was just projecting his disbelief that he was party to all the Twilight activities.

I disagree on his pooh-pooh of my shoes.
Fancy is the only way to go when Edward is involved.
My hands were tied.


  1. WOW, hands down BEST.POST.EVER. I hope Eric is ready for company and a second job. I can't believe all the buildings are empty, I firmly believe our love for twilight has given the economy a significant boost.

  2. ha ha are cracking me up. Your brother is the BOMB!!

  3. I linked to your post from another blog because the title interested me. Hysterical! You've inspired me to revisit the Twilight movement (I've only half watched the first movie), motivated me to tell of my adventures with pictures, and given me a bit of a crush on your brother.


  4. Eric sent me the link and I enjoyed it very much. Love the writing. I also noted the "overacting" on Eric's part. I have to say that his rendition in the p-lot looks more like "the pedophile's first night in prison" than a scary vampire (pronounced vam peer ay... the Spanish version is much more sexy...) Just sayin.

  5. Soooo I just popped over here from another blog and want to tell you that you are hilarious!
    I have a soft spot in my heart for anyone who sightsees with a figurine. You see not so long ago (okay I just lied it was a long time ago) my brother and I found a little figurine we named Jenkins in our condo in Hawaii. We took him everywhere and photographed him in all the hot spots. My husband of course thinks we are strange but whateve.
    I've never seen or read any if the Twilight stuff but you have inspired me to check it out:)

  6. The BEST part of all of this is that to respond, my word verification is "burnai" - for real - as in you're going to "burnai in hadai" for your obsessive behaviour vis a vis Edward and Twilight.

    But let me say here and now that your acting skills are the absolute best among my middle children. Really. Not just saying that. AMAZING.


  7. How did I not know it was filmed in St Helens. First my family lives in Oregon AND my best friend lives in St Helens . . . I am totally going to have to see all of this the next time I am in Portland!

  8. Oh my. I read this post JUST as the Twilight saga came to me via Netflix. Didn't read the books (bc of all the hoopla), didn't watch the movies in the theater (bc I didn't read the books...duh); but I was surprised at how drawn into the movie I was. Even so, I kept laughing at a) Bella's bad acting, and b) how my brain was saying...oh that's the alley where the "bad men" are going to attack Bella, like Eric "attacked" Susie! Thanks for drawing my interest to Twilight and for keeping me entertained while I watched it :)

  9. twilight is he freaking best. i cant believe that all those stores closed down though. they should be land marks now. that is ridiculous. and by the way i smell an Oscar coming your direction.


Tell me about it. Oh and thanks for validating my life.

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