they really made a festival out of that?

I'm always down for a good festival/fair/carnival. General rule of thumb: if an event even may have elephant ears, this girl is there. I really couldn't care less what I'm being "festivally" about (new word, you read it hear first), just as long as I can eat my way into a coma or high blood pressure at the very minimum.

So, I hopped on the fried food bandwagon Sunday and set sail for Salmon Days at the request of Emy -- she decided we should go. For her and Jessica, they grew up here so it's in their blood. Emy says I live here now and it's my duty. I had no idea. Such pressure.

Salmon Days is a little festival in this little town I live in and I remembered three things about it from my childhood (I grew up all of 10 miles away): 1. It has elephant ears 2. It has 200 funny shops that all sell 5 things repeated, over and over, again and again 3. You can make silly sand birds there.

As much as we wanted to make one, we didn't.
That's a "should've". Goes on the ol' life regret list right next to my marriage (I kid, I kid, jeez).

Like I may have pointed out, I knew very little of this going in, especially from the salmon side of it. IRregardless of my lack of knowledge, however, this was the first event (count it) that I dressed weather appropriate for. Emy didn't think I could. Jessica didn't know I owned a zip-up (I don't, it's Fe's). And Libby was too stunned for comment.

This is the first ever outfit win for me in the "responsibility column - making life choices on your own". Chuck cried during outfit inspection (he holds those before any 'outside' activities). He was so proud.

Ok ok. Back to the Salmon Days.
Salmon Days, evidently, celebrates the salmon returning to the salmon hatchery. You watch the salmon swimming in the river, up the fish ladder, and into the hatchery.

Here's what I remember from Salmon Edu in grade school: Salmon eggs laid, salmon eggs hatch, salmon swim and laugh and love, salmon come back upstream to complete the circle of life whilst Elton John sings and Jonathon Taylor Thomas is shown to the world. I may (may) have mixed up some of my learnings in 1994 with some pop culture from 1994. Like I said, may.

Not wanting to throw them under the bus (lie), but none of us girls had a real clear understanding of what the salmon process involved. We did, in as much as we didn't.

So, we found out.

And that's about when the fun ended for me because, turns out, I do not like this salmon story one bit. Hearing about their journey upstream is one thing. Seeing the horror, another. I mean, this stuff is fine for textbooks, but let's leave it there and not bring it into real life.

I got tired and depressed just watching them try for upstream. I really didn't understand why we weren't helping out. "Grab a net people, we've got salmon to help." Emy's Kevin said they weigh more then me. Chuck just said No.

And then, they're also dying there as we watch. Some of them can't handle the upstream workout and just die right in front of you on the side of the river. Again, why aren't we helping them people? I was watching Nemo Genocide and doing nothing. I suggested making the river flow the right way for them. Again, Chuck said No.

That's about the time that Chuck launched into his whole "nature's way", "circle of life", "this is what happens" speech and yah yah, I get that. But, hi, we aren't in "the wild". We're at a hatchery, watching man-made salmon. I understand "in the wild" we can't help them, but I'm standing on concrete and they're dying under an overpass. I didn't like it. I didn't like it one bit.

It was the saddest thing I've ever seen. All these little (and by little, I mean 50lbs) Salmon were working so hard to get upstream. And then, oh yes, it got worse watching them try to go up the fish ladder.

Again, "why can't I just carry him to the top?"
Because that's not how nature intended it.
"Really, Chuck. Did nature also intend for it to be a metal ladder going into a shed where they're gutted for baby fish making parts?"

Chuck thought I was being a riot.

I'm still serious. I really didn't like this and I really didn't like that their reward for making it up all the man-made "let's simulate the wild" awfulness is a holding pen until Tuesday when it all comes to an end. Why can't they make it easy for them and have the Red Shed at the bottom of the hill? Really, you need upstream, a dam, and a fish ladder to prove your nature point. I'm pretty sure (just guessing) that the salmon would be FINE with stopping early, as long as they were stopping together.

Needless to say, it's gonna be a while before the Allison's enjoy a nice salmon fillet in a foil pouch.

Once everyone stopped talking about the fish, and I put my salmon misery into the spot deep down inside where Santa and the Tooth Fairy live, it was a pretty nice little Sunday.

After the crying stopped and the hurt went away.

I find this to be one of the funniest pictures I've seen in a long time. Something about it is so wrong and yet so right. Jessica took it. On an aside, she's now on camera restriction.

I may have gotten some elephant ear on my face in my haste to eat it all before anyone asked for a bite. That's what greed will do to a person. On an aside, Chuck is now also on camera restriction.

I'm still a little curious about Salmon Days and the celebration of the return of the salmon. Not sure it's exactly something I'd choose to celebrate (have I mentioned the salmon that had died along the way were rotting so areas around there smelled like Death himself?), but then again, if elephant ears are involved, I can pretty much overlook anything.

1 comment:

  1. nemo genocide. hahah. win.
    p.s. what is with my face in the corndog photo? Thanks for posting so many, I can still taste the elephant ear.


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