We'll call it 0 for 2.

After our "divorce march" last week, Fe called with a walking/hiking solution.

For the record, with regard to our "not exactly perfect" outdoor adventure, she sided with both of us. Me for wearing Sperry Top Siders and then being forced to hike up a mountain unwillingly, Chuck for having to be married to me and deal with a lack of outdoor recreation time/someone to play with. Fe clipped a hiking idea from the newspaper and wondered if Chuck would go with her.

I loved this idea.
1. It gets me out of going.
2. It gives them a friend to go with so they don't go alone.
3. It gets me out of going.
[did I mention it gets me out of going?]

You might think it weird for a mother and son-in-law to go hiking together sans the daughter that binds them, but, really, if we're being honest then I am pretty sure Chuck is Fe's favorite. As in, if it came down to the two of us, she's Team Chuck. Whatever. Only adds to my MCS (middle child syndrome).

Their hike was set for Sunday.
It was gorgeous here Sunday.
Sunday was one of those days that suckers people into living in Seattle because my-stars, could anything be prettier? Come back mid-November and we'll see about that.

Anyhoo. The hike. Pretty simple to be honest. I looked it up to see what they would be doing. Call me George. I was curious. "The Wilderness Peak Trail". 3.7 miles round trip. 2 out of 5 on the difficulty scale. Maybe it's all this summer vacation alone time that's getting to me but it didn't sound that bad. Actually, the idea of having a conversation with people outside of those trapped in my TiVo sounded divine.

You know what? I'm in.
I'll go on this little hike (notice how I called it a hike, not a walk. I understood that this wasn't the distance to the mailboxes and it had some hills -- or it would have been a 1 out of 5, I assume).

There was some shock.
Some gasps.
And Chuck's Now-That-I've-Actually-Been-On-A-Walk/Hike-With-You terrified interjections of "this isn't all easy -- it's got some switch backs you know."

I got this.
For starters, I wore my running shoes.
For seconds, I wore hiking appropriate clothing (you may recall that last week I was in skinny jeans and a sweater).
For thirdsies, I brought a water bottle.

About 15 minutes into the hike, Fe and I were ready to turn back.
Holy uphill. We'd only gone a 1/2 mile.

We were dying.
It was uphill. The Whole Way.
It was switchbacks.
It was "put your hand out in front and brace yourself" steep.
The hike rating guide said this was a 2 out of 5. It must mean 2 out of 5 people die hiking up this. That's the only logic I can find.

Chuck was a ball of giggles. He'd warned us. He'd shown us the map. He'd made sure we knew what we were getting ourselves into.

Didn't help.

Finally. Finally. We reached the top.
The Wilderness Peak. I was placing an emphasis on PEAK. I should not have.
We hit the end of the trail, excited that we'd made it alive, proud that we hadn't given up, thrilled to see the world from the top of this peak.

[huffy breath]
That's the look out. Or rather the Anti-Lookout.

We climbed the whole dang mountain and the trail ends at THAT??? Seriously?
A bunch of trees. Ferns. Bushes. Guess what? Guess what I'd just seen for the last hour and a half? A bunch of trees. Ferns. Bushes. Guess what I did not want to see more of? Trees. Ferns. or Bushes.

I honestly thought it was a joke.
Ha ha. That's super funny. "Where's the lookout so I can marvel at how high I've climbed?" Oh there isn't one. There is, however, a little booklet you can sign letting others know of your travels.

I signed it.
Below where "Avid Hiker" had written about being at peace with nature and what a gorgeous hike, across from where "REI Forever" wrote about loving the day, the scenery, the joy of it all, I signed the booklet:

"Are you kidding me?"

Are you kidding me that I climbed 2 miles up hill for the same view as I saw in the parking lot? Are you kidding me that I worked my buns off and the Oreos Chuck brought to the top were stale? Are you kidding me that I now get to walk back down with no euphoric, Jack Dawson "King of the World" feeling?

[on an aside: Chuck would like it pointed out that I signed the book 7/11/11. He would like me to comment on why. First, I was so delirious with angry and disappointment from the lack of "PEAK" on the Wilderness Peak Trail that I clearly wasn't thinking straight. Secondly, it was at this moment that I realized it was 7-11 and I wasn't at 7-11 getting my free Slurpee.]

So. We're calling this 0 for 2 on "hikes or walks" for Summer 2010. There has been talks of going on other nature adventures and it looks like I'm up. Chuck picked the uphill trail last time that Me and Sperry Top Siders are still not over. Fe found this "climb" in the newspaper. Definitely 0 for 2 on outdoor selection capabilities.

I'm working on making my selection.
Does Mall Walking count?


  1. I'm just imagining you standing there awaiting your titanic/Pocahontas stance on top of a hill.

  2. Brad and I LAUGHED OUT LOUD to this one. Hiking is one thing we both really love. But your take--as always--was a riot.


Tell me about it. Oh and thanks for validating my life.

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