My thoughts on Eclipse. Because you care.

Hallelujah, Eclipse Wednesday finally came. Praise everything. Life = complete.

The movie was better than Christmas. Better than a milestone birthday. We'll put it on The W.O.W. List somewhere around college graduation and my wedding day. What? I'm just being honest. It was that amazing. Trust me, when have I ever typed in hyperbole?

Chuck is also thrilled with Eclipse Wednesday finally being behind us. That guy is a little tired of Twilight and not hiding his emotions well anymore. I tried to explain how Edward would handle this situation and it only made it worse. You should have seen the dejection, the misery in his eyes when I reminded him that book 4 was being split into two movies. I said it with joy and thrill and happiness. Chuck responded with grunts and huffs and I think I caught the essence of a Susie-foot stamp.

His loss.
These movies just keep getting better.

But really, when you start the Saga with as terrible a first movie as Twilight (and by terrible, I mean one of the top 3 movies I've ever seen) you really can only go "up" on these things. And boy, did they go up.

Have I mentioned how fantastic Eclipse was?

Still.
There were some things I wish I could have changed. I have a lot of opinions, people, and it's a shock to me that they didn't ask for my thoughts when making the film (it's definitely a film not a movie and I saw it in a theatre). I thought instead of listing how amazing it was five times over, I'd show Chuck that I can look at this film through a critical eye and find some faults with it.

Bear with me. I'm stretching here. It's hard to pick apart perfection.

5 Things Susie Would Have Changed in Eclipse
(had her opinion been valued and her feelings for Rob reciprocated)


5. I want to say Kristen Stewart being awful, because of the other two movie performances, but she kind of pulled it out on this one and I didn't totally hate her. Still, she emotes about as well as my sofa and I kinda want to hold her mouth shut and force her to breathe through her nose, but [sigh] she didn't suck. It was a welcomed change.

4. Her wig, on the other hand...yikes. Really, props department? That's the best wig you could find. Because I am pretty sure that wearing Shelley's Extensions looked more realistic than that.

Me as Bella. Case. Point. My hair looks better.
K-Sunshine as Bella with wig.
WOW to whoever saw that baby in East LA and said "Oh my gosh, perfect. No one will know she has mullet grease hair with that" really needs a life check or at least a vision test.

3. The costume department. I'll break my argument into three sub-categories.
a. Bella's outfit in Jacksonville, really? 1998 called. It wants its waist-high, flat front khaki shorts back.

Look at those things. Oh and 1996 made it a conference call and is asking for its belly-showing tank back. Send via UPS or just burn it.

b. Ok. I understand that the books are set in Forks and they're trying to make Vancouver look like the Olympic Peninsula. I respect that. I also get that Forks is a logging town and that Seattle started the grunge look in the 90s. These facts may have been too much to look past. Regardless, this doesn't mean that Bella needs to be solely dressed in flannel the entire movie. I think I counted 15 flannel shirts. Kurt Cobain didn't own that many.



Stop type-dressing Washington. We also started Nordstrom, FYI.

c. Dear Costume Department, Why did you even bother to put Rob in a costume/shirt? Totally unnecessary waste of fabric. It just seems silly to even dress him.

2. Every scene with this guy whining was a negative:
Because it was a scene without this guy:
And it took away precious screen time. I could have settled for Rob Pattinson just reading Eclipse straight from the book for 2 hours 4 minutes, but that's just me.

1. It ended. Why? Why did it have to end? This is a huge problem. I could have watched for hours more. Actually, a movie should last as long as it took me to read the book. Since it's 600 pages at fourth grade reading level and I wasn't working at the time, that's 11 straight hours. Perfect.

Perfect. Kinda like Eclipse.

ps. Chuck is just uber excited to start this all again when Breaking Dawn comes out in 16 months. And again when Breaking Dawn 2 comes out. Which, by then, should be far enough from the first Twilight being released that maybe they'll start working on the remakes. My dream.

3 comments:

  1. Do you have something against the numbers 1 and 2?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I had a nagging feeling I did that and forgot to check. Darn you Shiann. I hate you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Do you think that the Twilight guy looks like Seth Pennington? I think they have the same eyes.

    ReplyDelete

Tell me about it. Oh and thanks for validating my life.

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