I can think of a few labels.

I've been keeping something from you.
I may over share 90% of my life 90% of the time, but this, this I kept to myself.

We're in California. No joke. I'm a block from Hermosa Beach. In a sun dress. I can see my knees. It's a miracle. We're on a mini-vacation 9 days before I go on Summer Vacation. That makes sense, right? No. No it doesn't.

We're here because our beloved Paul and Shiann are finally getting married. Finally doesn't seem strong enough now that I'm seeing it typed. Reread the sentence and really emphasize finally with a huffy breath and an eye roll. It's been 10 years. 'Bout time, guys. Don't rush into anything.

They're getting married Monday on a beach north of Malibu.
But I'm still keeping something from you. I can't bear to tell you yet. Soon. Just not yet. And anyone thinking it has to do with the year 2053 can kindly press the red "x" in the right corner. Then forget you've ever read this thing. You're dead to me.

The secret. Well, if I can be so bold, I think it may be even more fantastic than a 2053. That's all. I'm moving on. I don't want to be That Girl.

We're staying in a vacation house Paul's parents rented. Genius idea. Now I would like to never stay in a hotel again for vacation. This be the way to go. Well played Anne and Kevin. Well played.

The house is adorable.

See? Adorable.

And a block from the beach/90210 beach house. It's basically perfection.
Inside, it gets even better.

Cute.

Cute.

Cute.

About, oh, 30 seconds after the "oh so cute" wears off, you start to notice a little something special about this place.

And that something is that it speaks to you.
Not metaphorically like it makes my heart sing.
Literally, the house is speaking to us at every turn.

By the house, I mean The Owner.
By speaking, I mean 100s (I'm not lying) of labels everywhere. Capitals. Bold. Italics. Underline.
EVERYWHERE.

Someone loves herself a label maker. And I am loving every bit about it. Every note. Every direction. Everything.

There's a label on the mail slot. Which I understand. Maybe.

There's a label for front door. Helpful reminders. I see where the owner is coming from.

A label for the phone. Now we're getting a bit obsessive.
Work with me on this one. The label says "Limit outgoing calls to 2 per day. Unlimited incoming calls." I'm sorry. But I don't get. A rotary dial and the use of an Operator would make more sense.

When we leave, we are considering leaving a note explaining that we were unable to use the garage as the opener wasn't user-friendly.

I doubled my shower time out of defiance. How do you spell Middle Child?
I read a book. Knitted Jack a cat sweater. And did our taxes. That's a lie. I can't do taxes. I painted my toes.

"Please monitor your children with our movies?"
What kind of movies do you own?
We went looking. We found Free Willy and Big. Heavy hitters. Highly offensive.

I've found 3 sets of rubber sheets and a note detailing the importance of the use of rubber sheets for ALL children. I love this woman. L.O.V.E. Love her.

Ok. So this one isn't a label. It's just awesome.

I mean, I understand not to use abrasives because of the label. But if we're at this level of explanation and spelling-it-out, then where's the label explaining that this shiny object I'm seeing myself in isn't an alternate universe? It's just not clear.

And last.

The Bible. It's about 25 pages detailing the house rules. The green recliner is not to be moved. Ever. Spills need to be wiped up with a cloth. Good to know as I am unfamilar with cleaning up after myself. And the last little FYI says that everything is really just common sense. Hmmm. I beg to differ.

I wonder what kind of labels Chuck and I would put around our house.
No one buy us a label maker.
This place is too inspiring. Lord knows what we would come up with.

6 comments:

  1. this could, quite possible, be your best blog post. amazing. we rented two guest houses for our out-of-town wedding people. it was awesome! and there were labels, but nothing like that!

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  2. I think you should go buy a little label maker and leave a remark for every label before you leave. How could it be a relaxing vacation house when you cant get away from the lady!

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  3. haha. That's amazing. Only you and Chuck would end up in a house "blogable". No ship's wheel?

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  4. Oh wow that's absolutely HILARIOUS!!! Who is this woman? I'd love to see her own house..."keys belong here", "turn door knob to the right"...."husband". That takes a very special person to go to that much trouble. Thanks for the laugh!

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  5. holy label maker batman. that home owner must have how many labels?

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  6. yea this post is rad -kelly

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Tell me about it. Oh and thanks for validating my life.

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