I'd like my Oscar now.

Somedays (correction: all days) I wish there were "life Oscars". Seriously, it would be nice to be recognized for my best work. My most solid, soap box ranting performances.

If we're going with this theme (my blog, I say we are), then I would like an award for "Best Ranting Meltdown in the Deli Section of a Top Foods". Oh my stars, it was one of my best. Brah-vo, Suz-ay. I will just give myself a little pat on the back for that piece of art.

See, I'm not a big fan of grocery stores. More, I'm not a big fan of grocery stores without a list. And by without a list, I mean a life purpose. I see them as the same. People who shop without a list are my heroes. The courage. The integrity it takes. The "fly by the seat of your pants" attitude. I put these people on a podium along with people who can roll their "Rr's" and those who can confidently gift wrap.

I'm usually a weekly menu type girl. I prep and plan on Sundays. My Momma raised me well. It's also cheaper and I'm a miser. And it prevents "performances" in grocery stores.

Some weeks, it doesn't go as planned (shocker). Sundays get slammed and I end up doing the nightly dinner dance -- buying meal by meal after working 9 hours (remember, I'm a teacher. What's 9 to 5?) with 6 year olds every day. I am fried. And I hate that dinner pressure. That responsibility. I would starve or eat cereal if I was alone, but I have that added little weight named Chuck and he apparently needs to be fed. Nightly. I can only imagine the added pressure if there was a child in the equation, but I have until 2053 to figure that out. This is good news people.

Chuck honestly couldn't care less. He's not fussy. He could eat cereal every night. His answer is always "I don't care, anything sounds good". Thanks for the help. But I feel responsible. Kind of like how he feels about mowing. It's just sometimes I don't know what to cook. Sometimes I don't know what sounds good and everything sounds awful. Sometimes I don't want to be the wife. I'd like a wife. Come take care of my food needs.

And that is all that I very calmly, rationally, and appropriately reminded/alerted Chuck to while I was standing in Top Foods. I was on my cell phone, for that added visual of my tirade. There were 3 solid foot stamps and at least 5 huffy breaths. More than a few people stared (I would have). And the deli worker may have come over to see if I needed help then provided 4 solid dinner options when he saw my distress. Not gonna lie: one of my best and more colorful performances.

We ended up having tacos. Second time in as many weeks.
That's what happens
a. without a list.
b. without shopping support.
c. when I'm on day 4 of the dinner dance.
d. when I lose it.

We had a good chuckle when I got home. Remember, Chuck is experienced in Susie Meltdowns and for every octave I go up, Chuck mellows to compensate. It's not pushover, it's just an effective defusing strategy. Which is how we ended up with tacos and not air.

I'm pretty sure I know exactly why I need a list. And why I need to avoid shopping in stores. Because without a list and away from my pantry, I'm a little lost and apparently an avid food collector.

Four packs of taco buns.

5 cans of beef broth.

3 boxes of cheap tea. Because I need 80 packets. And don't judge, tea snobs, I like it simple and I like it just fine.

I have a few dessert boxes. If you come over for dinner and I don't prepare dessert, ask for your money back.

I'm just not good at grocery shopping.
So I cheat.

Fe found Amazon Fresh about 3 years ago. We order our groceries. Whatever. It's not snobby. It's just common sense. I sit on my couch. I shop the aisles. I check my fridge because we don't need a fourth bottle of ketchup. Three is apparently enough. And press send. Sweet mother of goodness.

I like my groceries to greet me when I wake up (I'm a big fan of the 4-6 am time slot). Giant present totes. It's just the happiest way to start a day. Even better than Foldgers in your cup. Totes of food on your doorstep and let me tell you happiness floods your soul. Floods it.

No, it's not more expensive, really. The meat can be, so I'm not extravagant about it. We're not having rib eyes regularly.
Yes, the produce is fabulous. And if it's not, they lovingly leave you a new one. QFC does not select my produce for me when I swing by. They make me do that myself. It's so barbaric.

And the delivery charge is only $5 and $5 just happens to be the going rate for Chuck avoiding my grocery store "episodes". I didn't realize I was so cheap.

This morning, it was Amazon morning, because I got my act together this week.
I had my groceries put away by 6:30am.
Deep breath. Happiness.
(I am a simple, but dramatic, soul).


  1. I seriously might have to try this. Since I am also an eastside girl I really don't care if its snobby, I'd say its smart. :)

  2. k so I’m almost convinced this is the best idea ever... I drive by their warehouse in Bellevue everyday and think of how lovely it would be to not go grocery shopping when I get home at 9pm :( is it really not crazy overpriced?


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