My life with hair. Not flair. Hair.

Second grade was when I realized I had bad hair. Bottom line. No sugar coating this one, sistah. I was wise beyond my seven years. Becky's hair was gorgeous. Blond, wavy. My hair was beyond not. It never has been.

My hair is baby straw hair. It has no bounce. It is literally the anti-texture. It actually repels volume with a single glance. Frighteningly thin. Frail. Gaunt. We do not hold curl. We don't even mention curl in its presence -- its feelings get hurt easy.

Hair for me has been an interesting adventure. I don't do hair dye (save for a few sun-in adventures with Shell, oh, memories) and I can't do hair styles. Curly one day. Up the next. Down the third. You people and your hairstyles. I'm green. GREEN. So, I do hair cuts. Lots of them. Going to the hair salon is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book (ps: those books are legit). No plan. No premeditation. We just roll with it each time. Because hair cuts are my lifeblood.

Can you guess what I did tonight? Anyone? (surprise) Haircut time -- in my head this comes as a song and dance routine, please go back and re-read it as it was written. It had been 6 weeks. It was time. Nothing major in my book. Just a new 'do.

It's important, I feel, for you to have a better understanding of where I've been in the haircut world. What these locks have seen. It's for your amusement. What's disappointing is that I can't show you the sun-in amazingness paired with braces or the corn rows at prom -- they're at Fe's house for her to enjoy. I'm sure she reviews them nightly.

Also, as a note for the first few pictures, my family has made great fashion progress in the past 20 years. It should be noted.
Standard child's round-head hair cut. Bangs. Cute. Mouth. Giant.
It's really no stretch for you to understand why I was usually mistaken as Eric's brother. It takes your breath away, doesn't it?
Same era. The important thing to remember is that these were purchased haircuts. I vaguely remember a $14 price tag. Ps -- look closely. There are sideburns. Pps: Those are black Keds WITHOUT the shoe laces. Yup.

Fast forward through middle school and high school and for that, I deeply apologize. I pledge to bring you those eventually. It's an absolute treasure of a time for my hair. When you combine the hair with shimmer covergirl eyeshadow and white mascara, oh, wow. Well, I won't keep rubbing in the missing pictures. You're so disappointed as is.

Then I went into the "no-haircuts" phase. That was interesting. And a life-adventure. After we got married, I stopped cutting my hair. I wanted to live the dream of long hair and pony tails. Of "up days" and "down". Problem is, with baby straw hair, down isn't a great look.
See? Baby straw hair. Strings and strings of nothingness. Still. It was a life dream. I could check the medium/long hair length box. If there was one. I actually wrote it in on a few forms under my social and age because I could.
Additionally, it was startling how much I looked like Chuck's sister. Startling.
On a huge plus, side pony tails were incredible. Breaking up with side pony tails was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

And then the progressive shorter, shorter, shorter started.
And Chuck cried, and cried, and cried.
Shorter, shorter was accompanied by poofs (or bumps -- your preference) pretty much each day. Because that's all I've ever mastered. Ever. Don't judge. C'mon people, I had a bowl haircut as a child.
I love my hair best short. As you can tell. It's the only way it works. Let's be honest. Shorter = better for me. Even though I dream of tossing long locks in a Vidal Sasoon commercial. Someday. With a wig. Or Shelley's hair extensions.
Today. I just went for it.
How myspace 2006 is this picture? Love it. I dub this new do the Jessica Rabbit Short Mix.
Pretty sure the next step would be The Fe (if you haven't noticed, my mom shaves her head for funsies), but I'll need about 40-something years of self-confidence under my belt before I can rock that. Because that woman owns that hair. I'm still renting on a 6 week to 6 week rate.

3 comments:

  1. Hm. I have a hair appointment next Friday. I've been thinking of removing several inches. I can do all sorts of 'dos, but never EVER the same thing twice. EVER. It curls when and where and how it wants to.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love the new hair and can't wait to see it in real life on Friday! I may have to get you a Bump-It to help enhance your hair journey!

    ReplyDelete

Tell me about it. Oh and thanks for validating my life.

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