The anti-cool.

It's no secret that I'm utterly uncool and completely without 'hip'. I wear cardigans and pearls. I have a few sweater sets that I've been known to bust out on occasion and I haven't had matching socks in years. I'm one step away from a Pooh bear sweatshirt, tapered pants, and a fanny pack. One very small step.

This weekend was Dania's birthday (Dania: pronounced duh-knee-uh -- I hate when I can't pronounce what I'm reading. It's why I never finished Harry Potter, fyi).

Dania just may be as uncool as I am. She does act cooler than me...She masks it well, but she's really as lame as me. Which is probably why her birthday party seemed fabulous to this girl.

We city folk piled into the cars and headed to the cow-town that Dania calls home. Ratio of cows to people -- heavily in the cow favor. But it happens to be our "college town" so we don't mind one bit hauling our be-hinds over the mountains, through the woods, to Dania's place.

For Dania's lame birthday party.
Not lame to me, or to my friends, don't get me wrong or misunderstand-- I was a happy camper. But I'm thinking that our style of "birthday party" may have been an eye rolling, snooze fest to the much cooler mid-twenty somethings out there.

IRregardless, here's the to-do list to have a fabulously "lame" birthday where everyone cuddles up for sleep at 11 and tells secrets until midnight (I wanted to play telephone but was shot down - devastated and still trying to get over it).

DO: Bring TWO cameras, interchangeable lenses, and a mounted flash. I brought the Big Guy, and all his accompanying glory, naturally, but I also added in the little point-and-shoot gem that Fe gave me for Christmas. She says I can be a tad obnoxious. I quickly snapped these of Jessica and Emy when they saw the new little babe for the first time. They actually think this makes me more annoying. And more lame. Who knew?

DO: Make a perfect cake, decorate flawlessly, and top it off with Twilight paper products. Nothing could be cooler or classier. But don't worry. We'll get to those later. For funsies. Oh and the pompoms begged to have a repeat performance. My hands were tied.

DO: Spend a vast majority of birthday weekend clued to the TV, sucked in by its magical glow. Remember, we are not in the business of doing something or making this extravagant. We were going for lame and awesome and perfect. We achieved all that we set out to accomplish.

DON'T: Don't forget to act like you're 6 throughout the entire celebration. Think religiously playing games (board or otherwise), going to McDonald's, and drinking Slurpees. We is awesome. Yes we is.

DON'T: ask. Dania's behavior in the picture should demonstrate precisely how uncool we are.

DON'T: Lie to yourself and your friends during your birthday party. It's a no-no. We wanted a picture with the girls with their true loves (see Me and Edward = meant. to. be.). Dania's love is Jacob. I'm okay with that. I'm fine with her wanting to throw her life down the drain, but man-up, kid. Own it. You love Jacob. Don't kid yourself by saying you love both. It cheapens the whole picture and makes you out to be a crazy person. Because posing with a paper plate didn't already demonstrate that clearly enough. Clearly the double plates is what pushed it over the crazy edge.


DO: Play cards during dinner. We went to our favorite restaurant, ordered our favorite food, and sat with our favorites. And we played cards the whole time. We know how to party.

And ps: I'm wearing arm-warmers. Yup.

DO: Reenact Twilight. Trust me, all the cool kids are doing this. And by all of them, I mean none of them.
DON'T: Invite Jacob to the party. Big time don't. We want it to be "lame-cool", not intolerable suffering. Jessica corrected this wrong by scratching out his face before wiping.

ADDITIONAL DO: (you can call it a sub-do) Lame can also be achieved by simpling having these many references to Twilight at your 26th birthday. It might not be so bad or so lame had we not already had a Twilight birthday in the last 6 months. And my blog might not be so lame had I not referenced Twilight so much lately (totally fine with it, btdub, I'm just worried about you).

DO: Get hyper-competitive over an iPhone app called BubbleWrap. It's as it sounds: popping bubble wrap in a 45 second countdown. Friendships were broken. Bridges were burned.

DO: Act like this guy.

DO: Turn 26 with your best friends. We may not have been traditionally cool and we may not have thrown a conventionally awesome party, but it was pretty hopping by our standards. And it was everything birthday girl Dania wanted.

Happy Birthday, Dania.
You're pretty swell and pretty much the coolest lame kid I know.

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